How’s it hangin’ party people? Sorry to post later today, I took a late lunch. I hope that all of you are enjoying a lunch that is as fantastic as mine is (Highly improbable today!). I just picked up a deelish Seared Ahi w/Wasabi Vinaigrette salad from the café downstairs. YUMMO 🙂
So, did you see the premier of the new show Homeland Security last night on ABC? It’s a pretty good one. I think in a past life I was a Border Patrol officer. Yeah, really, I am so into this stuff! It’s fascinating to see all of the places in the car that these creepies stash their cocaine and heroine (and children!). I think I would be really successful at this job. I am a fantastic finder. I would be the first one jumpin’ out to cut open a tire and reveal all of the bricks of dope inside. What a job! Anywho, enough daydreaming. Back to the show…There were many points during the program that revolved around the airport Homeland Security checkpoints. Ya know, the point before they let you into the terminal where you have to strip naked, throw your bags and internal organs into the x-ray machine and dance around for the guards. So, they were following passengers through the metal detectors and bag checks, zooming in on things people couldn’t take through. Of course, the items that were being confiscated were of the utmost Code Red danger: Mini bottles of Lotion, Water, Chapstick…Such dangerous weapons. And I couldn’t help but think about the ridiculous, irrational (not to mention frightening) experience I had when going through the Homeland Security checkpoint at LAX just this past weekend when I flew back to SF. It went something like this:
I approached the x-ray machine and removed my Uggs, Scarf and large hobo purse and tossed them into the plastic bin. The bin started rolling through as I stepped forward to walk through the metal detector. Just as I came around to pick up my bags, the guard yells, “Bag Check!”
“Take a look at that,” the guard says to the Female bag-checker. “Make sure it’s not too long to go through.”
My mind started racing as to what in the world he was talking about. I have to admit, my purse is enormous enough to house a small village, but I couldn’t remember seeing anything threatening inside. Boy was I wrong.
“Let me just measure these real quick. Just a moment,” the bag-checker said. She pulled a 9” pair of scissors out of my bag.
“Oh, crap,” I thought to myself. I had taken craft supplies with me on my trip, but must have forgotten to put the scissors back in my suitcase. “You can totally throw those away. I am so sorry! I had NO idea they were in there. Seriously, I don’t need them. Sorry!”
“Oh, don’t worry,” the bag-checker said as she laid them on the counter to measure them. “They are under 12”. You’re fine.”
And she proceeded to put them back in my bag.
Let me repeat that.
SHE PUT THE 9” SCISSORS BACK IN MY BAG.
“Have a good flight,” she said to me as my jaws hit the floor. Once I wiped the drool off of my mouth and snapped out of my shocked state, I picked up my bags and walked to my terminal.
Ok, WTF?!?!?!? Since when can we travel with 9” scissors on an airplane? You could definitely kill someone with those. I mean, seriously, a jab to the head? Done. I still am in shock about it. I mean, I assure you party people, that you won’t have to worry about me traveling with my craft scissors. But I can’t say that for the rest of the creepies that have been getting on planes lately. And for that reason, I will NEVER travel on a plane without my 9” scissors again. And, controversial as this may sound, I encourage you to do the same.
I promise to have a more light-hearted blog tomorrow. I wanted to get this out there and let everyone know what is being allowed through the airports right now. So, Travel With Your Craft Scissors, Party People!
Party On Wayne,